KRAMER VS.
Living and Dying By the Law

By IRWIN KRAMER
The Daily Record
December 8, 2003

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

These are the immortal words of William Shakespeare. Penned a century before lawyers created laws to protect such playwrights from plagiarism, this line from Henry VI continues to provide literary validation to those who think the world would be better off without those fast-talking leeches who profit from the misfortunes of society.

They are viewed as the dregs of society. Shysters. They don’t always lie, just when their lips are moving. This may be an asset in the courtroom, but in the court of public opinion, lawyers have been found guilty. Guilty of killing our “pursuit of happiness.” The verdict against lawyers isn’t unanimous, but many would convict them of killing personal freedom with the red tape of statutes, regulations, and fine print. Using legal pleadings as weapons of terror, they have turned our world into a litigious nightmare that has left us living in fear of frivolous lawsuits as lawyers profit from our pain. According to many, these high-priced terrorists are no better than the killers that they free from prison on “technicalities” that let them kill again.

With growing disdain for a profession that was once held in high esteem, references to killing lawyers have increased in popularity. What was once found only in a dusty line from Shakespeare has given way to numerous punch lines in jokes which poke fun at lawyers’ demise. When asked what “you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean,” those who find humor in the misfortunes of lawyers call it “a good start!” They joke that, when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand, there is “not enough sand.” If you “accidentally” run over a lawyer, one familiar punch line suggests that you should “back over him to make sure you did it correctly.”

Though all professions should tolerate some self-deprecating humor, the problem with such morbid “lawyer jokes” is twofold: Lawyers don't think they're funny ... others don't think they're jokes. Indeed, entire web sites have catalogued and even celebrated the slaying of attorneys who have fallen victim to disgruntled clients, litigants and defendants who have acted on the Shakespearean proposal to “kill the lawyers.”

Did you hear the one about the 38-year old prosecutor who was brutally stabbed during the course of a drug trial? This is not a joke. It does not end with a punch line. The story of Assistant United States Attorney Jonathan Luna ends with a wife, two young children and a legacy of fighting to protect us. He belonged to a profession built on the dedication of those who have devoted their careers to protecting our legal rights, and making the world a better and safer place to live.

While some believe the world would be better if we were free of lawyers, one must wonder who would benefit the most from that freedom. Lawyers and their penchant for lawsuits, statutes and regulations, have obstructed our freedom to dump chemicals into our water, pollute the air, or discriminate on the basis of race, religion, and gender. We must pay more for products equipped with safety features such as seat belts and air bags. Eye doctors must conduct glaucoma tests to prevent blindness. Those who wish to rape, murder and deal drugs may lose their freedom altogether as prosecutors place them behind bars.

Those who propose that we “kill all the lawyers” believe that the world would be better off in a state of anarchy and disarray, where one can cheat, steal, and pillage with impunity – secure in the knowledge that members of the bar will not act to limit their freedom.

Critics of the legal profession may find comfort in Shakespeare’s Henry VI, but they would do well to read his entire play. Though Shakespeare wrote the proposal to “kill all the lawyers,” these murderous words were uttered by a character seeking to gain power while depriving others of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Those who repeat this attack on lawyers are not following in the footsteps of Shakespeare. They are echoing the sentiments of a villain that Shakespeare called “Dick the Butcher.”